When I was in my early twenties I went through a rough break up. Most of my friends worked at restaurants so I started doing delivery and selling drugs so I wouldn't have time to be completely lonely every night. Between selling, having two jobs, and no bank account I was walking around with a lot of cash (to me) on any given Friday.
There was a big party weekend at the college and I got pulled over dropping off my last dime on my first delivery run of the night.
Know why I pulled you over?
No
Brake light is out.
No it isn't
Not wearing a seat belt
Yes I am
Is that a weapon?
Pointing to the Tupperware container with a fork and knife.
Spent a couple hours trying to get me to confess to selling and eventually let me go. My buddy who was a chef met me at the station with some amphetamines and a bottle of vodka and we were good and fucked up by the time we walked back to the restaurant.
Boss didn't know what to do with a drunk delivery driver with no car so he gave me a bag of small pizzas and sent me out saying he wanted $5 for each didn't care what I charged. I ended up next door to the police station trying to poach customers in line for our biggest competitor. $20 for a pizza and a dime
Between the drugs and self pity I got stuck where every person I'd meet I'd just blurt out "I got arrested". Something about how you kept telling people you were on mushrooms just kinda brought that headpsace back for me.
Worked at a place that was basically scab labor for General dynamics too. Weird Christmas party. Definitely a family business. Got away from the military junk but you couldn't pay me to go to a manufacturing expo tripping.
This was AMAZING, I was enthralled. You are a good writer, but an excellent storyteller; most don't realize that there's a difference but there is & you're very very good at it. Think I'll read some more of your stuff.
P.S. You've also effectively warned me away from shrooms for life.
God you're braver then I. I remember the first time I did mushrooms someone dragged me to every Walmart in Springdale and Fayetteville and it scared the living shit out of me. I was walking up and down the aisles as it kicked in I happened to be next to someone stocking. My other friend who hadn't taken any came rushing around the corner with a devious smile, and right before darting off with a shopping cart he leaned in and said to the guy stocking, "This guy is on mushrooms". A bunch of guns and shit? That'd get me noping the fuck out of there.
Necro comment on this hilarious article. I was haunted by what must have been going through Yael's mind.
"Damn, Those are some nice PEs, harvested a little late but fire examples of the current hype strain nonetheless. I think I saw a coffee filter by the hot water dispenser. He can hash these quickly, and we can get to the convention. Hopefully, he spares me a half-point. My feet will be killing me by the end of the day.
WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THIS CAVEMAN DOING?
The rest of the day passes in a blur, but the intrusive thoughts persist well after the convention is forgotten "Why didn't he just hash those mushrooms?"
This is excellent in a Hunter S. Thompson kind of way. Nice voice.
I don't know. I think shrooms would be more helpful in the bass pro pyramid
When I was in my early twenties I went through a rough break up. Most of my friends worked at restaurants so I started doing delivery and selling drugs so I wouldn't have time to be completely lonely every night. Between selling, having two jobs, and no bank account I was walking around with a lot of cash (to me) on any given Friday.
There was a big party weekend at the college and I got pulled over dropping off my last dime on my first delivery run of the night.
Know why I pulled you over?
No
Brake light is out.
No it isn't
Not wearing a seat belt
Yes I am
Is that a weapon?
Pointing to the Tupperware container with a fork and knife.
Spent a couple hours trying to get me to confess to selling and eventually let me go. My buddy who was a chef met me at the station with some amphetamines and a bottle of vodka and we were good and fucked up by the time we walked back to the restaurant.
Boss didn't know what to do with a drunk delivery driver with no car so he gave me a bag of small pizzas and sent me out saying he wanted $5 for each didn't care what I charged. I ended up next door to the police station trying to poach customers in line for our biggest competitor. $20 for a pizza and a dime
Between the drugs and self pity I got stuck where every person I'd meet I'd just blurt out "I got arrested". Something about how you kept telling people you were on mushrooms just kinda brought that headpsace back for me.
Worked at a place that was basically scab labor for General dynamics too. Weird Christmas party. Definitely a family business. Got away from the military junk but you couldn't pay me to go to a manufacturing expo tripping.
This was amazing.
I just stumbled upon this article and wish that I could like it twice. Well done.
Bruh
This is my favourite article of all time. I come back to read it often, it always helps restore some of my faith in humanity. Thanks for being you ✌️
This is incredible
This was AMAZING, I was enthralled. You are a good writer, but an excellent storyteller; most don't realize that there's a difference but there is & you're very very good at it. Think I'll read some more of your stuff.
P.S. You've also effectively warned me away from shrooms for life.
God you're braver then I. I remember the first time I did mushrooms someone dragged me to every Walmart in Springdale and Fayetteville and it scared the living shit out of me. I was walking up and down the aisles as it kicked in I happened to be next to someone stocking. My other friend who hadn't taken any came rushing around the corner with a devious smile, and right before darting off with a shopping cart he leaned in and said to the guy stocking, "This guy is on mushrooms". A bunch of guns and shit? That'd get me noping the fuck out of there.
this was truly wonderful to read and i wish we were friends because i have so many questions. incredible work.
Necro comment on this hilarious article. I was haunted by what must have been going through Yael's mind.
"Damn, Those are some nice PEs, harvested a little late but fire examples of the current hype strain nonetheless. I think I saw a coffee filter by the hot water dispenser. He can hash these quickly, and we can get to the convention. Hopefully, he spares me a half-point. My feet will be killing me by the end of the day.
WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THIS CAVEMAN DOING?
The rest of the day passes in a blur, but the intrusive thoughts persist well after the convention is forgotten "Why didn't he just hash those mushrooms?"